Mike Delamont

Critically acclaimed and award winning Canadian comedian.

Critically acclaimed and award winning comedian

Monday Magazine - At The Mic

Hello from the road!

It’s that time of year again. I am currently in sub-temperature Edmonton bound for even colder Winnipeg tomorrow. I try to hit all of Canada’s hot spots at their peak seasons.

I was in Edmonton just before Christmas and worried that I might not be able to handle the cold. My phone told me that I would be walking into -39 degree weather. An Edmonton friend of mine confidently told me, “Oh, don’t worry about it. Just don’t breathe with your mouth.” What? Thats not okay. Folks, if you live somewhere that “just don’t breathe through your mouth” is a common expression … it’s time to move.

I’m at the very beginning of my touring season. I am often on the road March through to the middle of September. With its varied travel, April will see me in six different cities over two countries. From sunny Los Angeles, CA all the way to the bright lights of Vermillion AB (population 3,930).

I love what I do, it is hard to be away so much.

When I was younger and a bit of a playboy (‘bit of’ may be an understatement) there was nothing better than hitting the road, taking my act to a new town and meeting new people. Now that I am older and have met that special somebody, it’s very difficult to walk out the door. And a part of me knows that it will only get harder. We have plans to get married and have kids and I am dreading the day when I have to wave goodbye to not only the woman of my dreams, but also a person we have created. It may be more than one little person as well. She wants four kids, and I want … well, less than four. If I agree to take dance lessons she says she will settle on two, so dance lessons here I come! If you ever see me with three children, this plan has fallen through and I have no idea how to flamenco.

I’ve been told public speaking is the world’s most common fear. I think it should be snakes, but what do I know, I just speak to the public for a living. I am often asked the same questions. One that has always surprised me is, “how do you remember all of those words?” I’m never quite sure how to answer that, but it usually comes from the same people that, when they ask about my career say, “How are your little skits going?” The number one question I get asked is: “Don’t you get scared up there?” The honest answer is I don’t. Probably because I want to be there, and the more people the better. It might sound strange but performing for 3,000 people is far easier than performing for 10. I do get scared though, but not of the stage. Scared that the career I chose might take me away from the things I want to be a part of the most. That the way I have chosen to provide for my family might keep me away from their biggest moments. First steps. First words. It’s a new crisis I have and it’s one I never thought I would.

Who knows, in a few years when it’s time to think babies, maybe I will be flipping burgers somewhere instead. As I write this, there is a little girl at the table next to me desperately trying to get her mother’s attention. A loud, piercing and varied: “MOM! MOM! MOMMY! MOMMY! MA! MA! MUM! MUM! MOMMY!”

This is all to show her mom that she holds something in her hand that her mother has never seen before: A goldfish cracker.

I think it’s time for dance lessons.